How I feel is how I feel

How I feel is how I feel, if it is too intense for some, they are not for me, I rather die at times then live half a live. I will not be violent, I never was, from what I seen it is a lower level that perpetuates one to continually be maroon on lower levels, but the feelings of intensity are real, just as real as the spiritual, except at times they are faster.  Wisdom tells me, as I tell others to wait, to be patient, life will always give you a way to express your self in a manner whereby you will be true to your self as well as to the deeper depths of your self and all of humanity, we are all part of the evolution, the awakening of humanity, the furnaces, the jets, the rockets of your soul, do not let them explode, use them, guide them to push your cause forwards, Christ, Martin Luther king, Winston Churchill, Kennedy, Albert Einstein and many others did it, so can, so will you. 

Invalidates all validation

My family invalidates all validation, sometimes I pretend it is not so, but all that I am, they invalidate, there is no real way, sane way, healthy way, fulfilling way, real way, to be in such hostility.

parts of you

It is a terrible yet wise thing to realizes,that parts of your personality you developed to torcher those that tortured you  and yourself.

My father has been dyeing on me for years even though he is healthy and alive.

My father has been dyeing on me for years even though he is healthy and alive. The more I see him, realizes him, the less he is. The past of what was, what was once the sun, is now smaller than a seed, not a muster seed, but poison ivory. I whish it was not but for my sake, I must face this truth. If we came from a place where there was more rage coming to you than love, more frustration than love, more ridicule than love, more lack of boundaries than love, more manipulation then love, more intimidation than love, more hitting than hugs, then you are better off by facing this terrible, this tearful reality go on in to love, to really love, not use fake public displays of love to cover your abuse. Face it, wrestle with it, change it, so as not to past this destructives hell to our children. 

Even if

Even if your family is pretending that they love you, in their own way they really do, they simply do not no how to love/ That does not mean being abused or used by their issues. If you want real love, you must see this, not pretend with pretend.

Good dreams, life of life.

Focus on your good dreams, the feelings, aliveness, the sublimeness, the beauty, love, meaning, wonder, such alive real dreams are life of life, they are you, more than you as well as a a head of you, making real your share of paradise now. Actively process bad feelings than move onto your good memories, experiences, feelings, they are the digestive enzymes of the negative as well. 

Believe in your self

The evil that you experience, feeling, how people react to you, their false impressions of you, estimates of you, responses to you is a reflection of their evil, prejudice, blindness, it is not a reflection of you, of your abilities, intent, it is not an impression of the impression you make, it is all a reflection of them or ninety percent of their limitations and ignorance. There beings, the 90 percept that have fake, superficial enlightenment, the 90 percept that are unconscious. Think back to grammar school or high school, believe in your self, be your self

All post before and after are fiction

All of this is fiction writing

All post before and after are fiction

We are becoming

We are becoming more of life, though it is far beyond are conscious ego's understanding, as well as the process of life; more of creation as well as the processes of creation, expanding as well as integrating both, Christ added the most, love, compassion, humanity. 

Each of us

Each of us is more than creation, we are embodying more of creations forces in us, creation in creation, vivifying, expending, without overly identifying with its intense passions, as well as expressing the aspects, forces of creation with others in ways empower.  We are, more then being the best, we are being here.   

dyslexics are 4G.

Metaphorically, when it comes to seeing colors, the vast majority of people are 3G, dyslexics are 4G. They can and do see a greater distinctions of colors and possible more colors, once again metaphorically.  When it comes to concepts dyslexics are 4G.    However when it comes to decoding and encoding, reading and writing, they are colorblind, 3G.   What are wonderful yet frustrating paradox?   

It does not have to be this way.

Every culture tries to control, manipulate, shame, dominate the other culture, the dominate cultures today where the so called inferior cultures of the past, the so called inferiors to day where the dominate cultures of the past in many or most cases, in their region or in their portion of their continent.  This is what individuals do to one another.  This is how we are habituated on many levels, but it does not have to be this way.  Believe in your self, face this tendency of humanity that we need to grow out of, defend your self from this, rise without putting others down.  Weed out dysfunctional patterns of relating, of being that you picked up  from your family. 

You have to see

You have to see the evil or maladaptive manipulative ways, or adoptive manipulative ways of others that use people as things, then you can protect your self and relate to them as well as God in a ways that do not poison you to their level. You can really do good when you see the evil in others, even if they do not see it in them selves, do not play their game; if you do, on the deepest levels they will despise you for being dump enough not to see through their games. If you play their game to get more game, you are, or will be just as lost as they in time.

Mot most

For some parents, not most, their is something deeply wrong with them, the only way to help them is for their adult children to get away, get away from them on as many levels as possible for very long time, for good is understandable. 

Lightening is quicker

As a therapist, this is what I see at times.  

Lightening is quicker than thunder, for many their weaknesses are exposed first, latent powers in them manifest afterwards in unconventional ways.   GOD help them if they are adopted with a narcissistic, self-adsorbed father with compulsion issues, denial, anger, rigidity.   Also God really be their for them with their borderline mother who can’t help but freely expose all of their children’s weaknesses publicly while being blind to their strengths, abusing them for not living up to the conventional culturally marketed definition of greatness that the queen demands.  

Beauty of Darkness

Beauty of Darkness 

Darkness is infinity, eternity, the source of all.   It gives birth to all life, to all forms, holds all, sustains all, we fear the primacy, as we feared the oceans, as we fear what is beyond the known, the more we grow, the more we see the more we will appreciate.

One dimension

One dimension of my book is we go from unconscious thoughts of God to conscious thoughts of God.  We go from an isolated unintentional drive to blindly connect with other thoughts of God in order to feed our hunger for power and bliss, we go from this too connecting to others intentionally, out of love, recognition, compassion, harmony, so that all might be more able to fully embody, express the one that is thinking us; in doing the latter we are simultaneously keeping our unique identity while becoming closer to and more like God, embodying God more, creation more, being more true to our origin, God, the source of all that is thinking us. 

rather be no more

People that experienced emotional mis-attunement as an infant, as children, rather be no more then be reborn into another existence where they could experience the same suffering again.  Such are the ones that believe in no God, no meaning to creation, and no existence past this life. But what they do with that pain will determine their next world, the ecology of their next carnation, did they inflict their pain on others, Hitler.  Or did they use their pain, their deep suffering to make the world more of a paradise on earth, a freer realm, a more just, more humane place, where one can experience, express a fuller range of being, a more creative life of depth, of harmony; so many more did this, we just never read about them, hear about them. 

Denial of the denial

An author I know wrote. R.M. 

With my family, they despise others, each other, mostly superficial love, much, much contempt, little love, expressed mostly indirectly through things, cleaning, food, buying things, many great things that can never make up for, or take the place of the lack of direct love, not being able to express it, at times uncertain if it is there.

 On deeper levels, much contempt, much contempt covered up with denial.  Denial of the denial. 

Not seeing it, the contempt they have for you, they have more contempt for you, abuse you more emotionally and have you feel it is your own issue, that the very real hostility and negative feelings you are picking up from them are your own derange feelings, emotions, weakness and defect of mind, of self, of soul.  

If you sacrifice much of yourself to be a hero for them, they might love you, respect you.  No, if you do they will pretended be impressed, but ninety percent of their words, their real feelings will despise you, They will make fun of you, constantly, loudly expose the weakness, weaknesses that were made and greatly amplified in your efforts to save them, to gain their respect, to end the abuse, to be loved.  

By saving yourself you save them, be the one to put love over all other desires, traditions, impulses, abusive outdated ways of keeping distance from one another in relating. 

mistake familiar for normal

If you were emotional and or sexually abused as a child you are vulnerable to others with similar or the same issues as your abuser. As adults we all have lapses of judgment, but are feelings protect us, they warn us that something is wrong, but if you were abused you mistake familiar for normal. 




Your inner normal needs for heeling from the abuse, from the betrayal lead you at best to a real healer, at worse to re-expereince the abuse, a vain attempt to be free from it, to gain mastery over it. 

Sometimes

Sometimes I just want to be, simply want share delight, free space, joy of naturally being, no **** heads in sight, just the pureness of life uninterrupted for a while by the bombardment of manipulative people pushing the **** of their or some companies' agenda on me. 

Each of us is an unique interpretation of creation

Each of us is an unique interpretation of the kaleidoscope hologram of the infinite singularity.   The patterns of how we collectively perceived and interacted created the gods of the pantheon; the singularity itself is monotheism.    Escaping from the bondage of our reality is what Buddha and Christ are about.   The outside tangible universe is just one of an endless expressions of this.  Civilizations and societies attempt to create a matrix in time where by we could co-exist in.    But each of us are also expanding the boundaries of this starting point, we call reality.   Though marvelous in many ways, our civilizations, cultures and all of its tools, reflect what is most common, basic in all of us as beings.   We took shelter in this here as well as in other realms, we are learning to except, appreciate  , tolerate and exist in shared harmony, without depreciating our vitality and loosing the living connection to our  depths.  

We have our own Sublime mind

We have our own Sublime mind, works of that part of us are deeper as well as above all that is known about you corporeally, and beyond everything what is acquired true, as well as real. e.g., your love is real, our deep desires are real

People are becomeing willing drones

Hate it when I ask for  a coffee at McDonalds and I am asked if I would like an apple pie. This is dehumanizing ignorance. "Would you like cheese on that burger" "No!!!!!  Would you like a kick in the ass with that question."

Sometimes I just want to be

Sometimes I just want to be, simply want share delight, free space, joy of naturally being, no shitheads in sight, just the pureness of life uninterrupted for a while by the bombardment of manipulative people pushing the shit of their or some companies' agenda on me.

darkness of the past

Most people were misunderstood as children as a result they had to deal with their parents darkness, neglect, as well as (intentional and or unintentional) tormenting ways to some degree. Our parent's ways, their hostility, their darkness has become part of us, for better and for worse. Children need plenty of love, attention, kindness, understanding, patients and time, if they do not get it they blame them selves for their parent's lack of involvement; if we were a child in such of a situation we would think, "I hate my self, I am the worse person in the world, I will destroy my self." Many children think this way in different forms and variations. For most adults such experiences and thoughts are the brick and mortar as well as the structure of their character and personality; much blindness of ambition runs over this high way of self, of ego, much productivity and much, much too much suffering.

Mind

The mind is made up by what it is exposed to from the environments from the prenatal development onwards, to its pattern imprint from prior existences, and the unique share of creation it is an expression of; all of this reflects a particular beings journey from unawareness into a shared awareness with others on various levels of becoming.

Family curse

One thing that I notice about my family, they just do not relate to one another in a supportive way. Life at times seems as if I am fighting one big curse, family curse. The curse that each family member keeps putting on each other; always in the subtext, I mean behind the relationships, I am thinking of my mother's side, everyone is stealthily at war with one another trying to make it seem as if it does not exist, it being an iceberg of hostility beneath the service, like the mafia. It goes on, hate is too strong of a word for it, bad will is closer, contempt hits another aspect, intolerant, over involved gets it some, all of this goes on underneath the too often volatile surface like lava, and like molten it services in a fury from time to time.

I wondered why they kept putting them selves through that, they might have been there for one another on the most superficial levels, but underneath the laughter, great food, stories, ultra-cleanliness there was much tunneling under the others souls. Burrowing into, hollowing each other souls without to much love, of any genuine support. But something was there. Still love in the very deep depths of the heart comes out through the stormy weather, an invisible force, like evaporation. I needed a hopeful ending, part of me knows that I will find a way, things are as they are, I can only change myself, how I relate.

New world

We are creation. There is no doubt that we are creation. Even more than creation, we are creation making creation even more real, in our own unique way. We are time and space, being and becoming. I am not certain as how to say this but we are, we are, we always were, we always will be. This life is only the beginning of the endlessness that we are.

To create, to bring the new world about, to embody it, to summons it, we must be it in everything we do. What is this new world, this new life, it is every one being sincere on every level and every one treating every one as if they are the greatest person ever, which we all are. This is the new world that we will now give to every one, we have to be it, we really have to be it, always, no faking, no hiding, no part of the way, be it, all out with everyone, even with those that are against this new world, just as the old cells of the chrysalis are against the new cells of the transformation to wings, that is why we must be it for those who will destroy it, misuse it, bend it for their own warped ends, for they will steal from us, use it on someone who will use it on their children. For the child this is the only human inter face their stunted parents relate to them through.

Some of the bad use it for bad, most use it for good, even when the bad use it for bad on their children, their children sense something behind it, a good in their world of misery beyond their parents; they sense that this did not originate from their mean parents and look for the origin of this liberating force that validates what they sense, and it becomes real for them, not another illusion that their abusive parents can knock or yell away in anger or buy away in lack of real effort.