Family curse

One thing that I notice about my family, they just do not relate to one another in a supportive way. Life at times seems as if I am fighting one big curse, family curse. The curse that each family member keeps putting on each other; always in the subtext, I mean behind the relationships, I am thinking of my mother's side, everyone is stealthily at war with one another trying to make it seem as if it does not exist, it being an iceberg of hostility beneath the service, like the mafia. It goes on, hate is too strong of a word for it, bad will is closer, contempt hits another aspect, intolerant, over involved gets it some, all of this goes on underneath the too often volatile surface like lava, and like molten it services in a fury from time to time.

I wondered why they kept putting them selves through that, they might have been there for one another on the most superficial levels, but underneath the laughter, great food, stories, ultra-cleanliness there was much tunneling under the others souls. Burrowing into, hollowing each other souls without to much love, of any genuine support. But something was there. Still love in the very deep depths of the heart comes out through the stormy weather, an invisible force, like evaporation. I needed a hopeful ending, part of me knows that I will find a way, things are as they are, I can only change myself, how I relate.