Denial of the denial

An author I know wrote. R.M. 

With my family, they despise others, each other, mostly superficial love, much, much contempt, little love, expressed mostly indirectly through things, cleaning, food, buying things, many great things that can never make up for, or take the place of the lack of direct love, not being able to express it, at times uncertain if it is there.

 On deeper levels, much contempt, much contempt covered up with denial.  Denial of the denial. 

Not seeing it, the contempt they have for you, they have more contempt for you, abuse you more emotionally and have you feel it is your own issue, that the very real hostility and negative feelings you are picking up from them are your own derange feelings, emotions, weakness and defect of mind, of self, of soul.  

If you sacrifice much of yourself to be a hero for them, they might love you, respect you.  No, if you do they will pretended be impressed, but ninety percent of their words, their real feelings will despise you, They will make fun of you, constantly, loudly expose the weakness, weaknesses that were made and greatly amplified in your efforts to save them, to gain their respect, to end the abuse, to be loved.  

By saving yourself you save them, be the one to put love over all other desires, traditions, impulses, abusive outdated ways of keeping distance from one another in relating.