How do we go forwards without these bonds of trauma? How to create and sustain meaningful connections without diminishing any of our vitalities?

For 99.7 percept of our history men have been fighting one another in groups and within groups to the death; women have been fanning the flame of this passion, no one is innocent except the children, all of which were exposed to this, they heard the war-cries and witnessed the abusive behaviors and were forced to believe it was the only way to salvation and the only way to survive was to be part of it, though they had mix intense emotions. How do we now keep the passion without the abuse? How do we go forwards without these bonds of trauma? How to create and sustain meaningful connections without diminishing any of our vitalities?