Simply striving

My unclear subjective emerging I of me is not looking for resolution, meaning, nirvana, heaven, paradise, or non existence, it is simply striving for fulfillment, expression, to fully experience the maximum intensity and radiance of its aliveness, each life is simply increasing the wave of my passions, of my emotions, of the tides of my rising being in which it reached the pinnacle of which I am right now. But this wave has become conscious of itself, and I was born trying to escape it, out run it, but by chance I am body surfing on it, trying not to be thrown off of it as I ride it, to where, I do not know. I sense it, I intuit it, I trust it, even in the storms, most of the time, enough of the time. It is not great acts of heroism, great works of achievement, security, victory and recognition, that resonate most real in us, that give us the most sustaining joy, the most real feelings of aliveness, it is those real moments, tenderness, expression , our truth, love, and even resistance of the powers, of the pleasures, of the standards, of the securities, of the overwhelming traditions of lies that the vast majority take to be real, such give a little to some parts of your ego while stealthily taking greatly from your soul, and/or dignity. Perhaps this is true once you get to a certain age. It is true for me.