Sometimes our faith, our hopes, and believes feel as if they are the size of a muster seed, for the most part you are being inundated by past feelings and emotional states.

Sometimes our faith, our hopes, and believes feel as if they are the size of a muster seed, for the most part you are being inundated by past feelings and emotional states.  What you are feeling is the some aggregate of the emotional atmospheres that permeated you while you were in the womb, as an infant and as a child, while your brain was developing. These past exposures determined the states of mind that would be your templates for the rest of your life.  The reality of our past becomes part of our structure. You are not their now, it only feels that way.  You are shaped this way in part to transform this way, to transfigure this way, to stop it from being passed on.  This is my best guess for now.